Casey leaves in 18 days. So much sooner than either of us expected. I have this terrible lonely feeling in my heart already and he hasnt even left. I am so proud of him and everything he is going to do, its scary though that my best friend whom i see everyday, i will have no contact with except for letters for nine weeks. People make comments like "oh hes going to leave and then forget all about you" maybe thats why i have been crying everytime i think about it. Fuck anyone who thinks that will happen. I can't believe people have the balls to say things like that. So hurtful.

I know this is going to make our friendship stronger in the end. And I guess the one good thing is the sooner he leaves, the sooner i will get to talk to him everyday again.

I wish people would stop asking if i am okay. Because i am not. My best friend is leaving, months sooner than i ever expect, this is the hardest thing i have had to do. I am going to make the best of this, yes, but i still feel terribly sad.

There are times i wish i did not care so much.

Why does this hurt so much.

Why cant i stop crying?

"we've been through so much.
and yet.
not enough.
but either way it doesn't matter.
you still leave."

California is really really soon. I feel a little unprepared. But i am so terribly excited about it.

I am actually excited to wake up at 4 in the morning for once in my life, is that weird?

Summer has been going amazingly well.